Erfarings interview

 Når facaden krakelerer                                                          Skrevet af Cécile Smetana Baudier  

Terapi og åbenhed var vejen frem for Anne Bremsen , der  i flere år prøvede at hjælpe sin mor ud af det alkoholmisbrug, der senere skulle blive den direkte årsag til hendes død.

Regnen siler ned udenfor. Det er mortens aften og familien Bremsen; Anne,  Kasper og deres tre børn sidder tæt pakket sammen i bilen på vej hen til mormor. De har købt mad udefra og familien har glædet sig. Men Annes forventninger om en hyggelig aften, bliver knust, da hun ser sin mor stå i døren.

”Hun står der i sin slåbrok, og ligner simpelthen noget der er løgn, og det ender med at vi kører hjem igen. Og man tænker; hvorfor kunne hun ikke have aflyst det, hvorfor kunne hun ikke se det øjnene? Jeg tror, hun har haft det, ligesom strudsen der stikker hovedet ned i busken. Hvis hun ikke talte om det, eller holdte sig for ørerne, så gik det nok væk”.

En helt almindelig kernefamilie

Anne fremstår som en kvinde der har orden på sagerne. Den røde trøje matcher øreringene i farve og den lyse pageklippede frisure sidder perfekt. Anne er vokset op i et parcelhus  i Odense i 60´erne, sammen med sin søster, sin far og sin mor Marie.

Hun har igennem hele sin barndom aldrig oplevet sin mor fuld, faktisk mindes hun sjældent at have set sine forældre drikke, det blev kun til en enkelt øl og kun ved specielle lejligheder.

”Jeg vil  betegne min mor som et meget kontrolleret menneske. Det er nok også derfor, at det har været svært for os at se det.  Hun var så god til at spille, til at have en facade. Hvis du havde sagt til mig, at min mor ville ende i et alkoholmisbrug, så ville jeg have grint dig lige op i ansigtet”.

Dette ændrer sig drastisk, da Annes far i 1996 ,i en alder af 60 år, får et hjerteslag og dør. Ikke længe efter slår Annes storesøster hånden af deres mor, af grunde Anne ikke selv kender til. I samme periode dør hendes mormor.

”Jeg lægger mærke til, at hun fortæller mig,  det er hårdt at komme hjem fra arrangementer, fordi der er ikke nogen. Hun er meget ensom. Det var ikke sådan, hun havde forestillet sig, at blive gammel, helt alene”.

Drak i smug

På ferie med familien i Jylland, bliver Anne pludselig ringet op af en kvinde, der bor i den samme bygning som hendes mor.  Kvinden fortæller at Marie ikke har været ude af lejligheden i flere dage. ”Hun taler i vildelse. Hun tror, at hun passer mine tre børn, og at de ligger inde i sengen og er ved at dø”.

Anne afbryder sin ferie og tager hjem til sin mor, der bliver indlagt på grund af for høj alkoholindtagelse.  Dette skal vise sig at være den første ud af mange hospitalsbesøg.

”Jeg tager hjem i hendes lejlighed og henter de ting til hende, som hun gerne vil have, at jeg henter, og så går jeg en runde”.  Anne registrerer, at baren er tømt.

”Jeg åbner køkkenskabet. Der står salt, mel og peber som der plejer, men oppe bagved er der tomme vin- og vodkaflasker. Og så åbner jeg næste skab, og det næste skab, og det næste skab. Der er fyldt med flasker, og så går det op for mig, at det her, det har stået på i noget tid. Det har hun ikke kunnet gøre på en uge, vel?”.

” Jeg blev mor for min mor”

Anne er dybt rystet og føler sig skyldig over ikke at have opdaget det tidligere. Hendes storesøster Sofie er ikke en del af deres liv, og derfor ligger ansvaret på Annes skuldre. Hun tager så ofte, det er muligt, ned og besøger sin mor.  ”Jeg kunne næsten ikke holde ud, at sidde her og så vide, at hun måske drikker nu”.  Anne kontakter et gratis behandlingscenter i Odense, og her taler hun med en psykolog, der forklarer hende, at hun ikke kan redde sin mor, hvis hendes mor ikke selv ønsker at blive reddet.

”Jeg så det som en afvisning, men også som et langt selvmord. Jeg blev mor for min mor, og det må have været svært for hende, for jeg er jo hende, før alkoholen blev en del af hendes liv”.

Anne taler åbent om det, men oplever også, at der i hendes omgangskreds er visse, der synes at hendes åbenhed lægger en dæmper på den gode stemning. Ikke desto mindre, mener hun, at det har gjort hendes familie stærkere, at de har kunnet tale ærligt sammen.

”Det er jo en del af fortællingen om mig selv. Jeg har skullet tage to beslutninger. Ville jeg være med til at videreføre tabuiseringen af min mors alkoholproblem, og det som jeg er vokset op med, nemlig at alt skal være pænt på overfladen. Der har jeg, med det samme, fortalt mine tre børn og venner, at min mor havde et alkoholproblem”.

Ikke i sin mors fodspor

Annes mor dør den 11 marts 2009,  indlagt på intensivafdelingen, to dage efter sin 70 års fødselsdag.  I tiden inden forsøger Anne at få hende overtalt til at gå i terapi. Marie indvilger, men får overbevist psykologen om, at hun ikke længere drikker for meget, og at det er hendes datter, der overdriver.

” Jeg føler, at jeg har gået planken ud med hende, men jeg er enormt ked af, at hun måske døde ulykkelig”.

Anne har siden da selv set en psykolog regelmæssigt, men hendes mors alkohol misbrug, påvirker hende stadigvæk, den dag i dag.

”Jeg har en indre diskussion om, hvor meget jeg ligner hende, jeg drikker aldrig alene , jeg hælder aldrig op til mig selv, for tænk nu, hvis jeg blev ved”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

291 thoughts on “Erfarings interview”

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